[Condensed Bitters]

Just eat your carrots.

2010-12-24T15:51:00.000-08:00

Lies. All those sweet things we say to the people we have feelings for, all those half-truths and found phrases we use to try to somehow…

I like you just the way you are. You don't need to change, you don't need to try so hard. Stop beating yourself up. I like you, I think you're just right. Perfect, actually.

All those sweet, idealistic things you say because, well, that's what you say - that's what they want to hear. Need to hear. And you don't want to let them down. You want to be Clark Gable. You want to be in love.

You want it to happen one night.

And this is funny because one night, one night is never enough. And when it's one night, it just goes on like that. It goes on until the sweet nothings are just that: nothings. It goes on until you tire of that perfect face, that perfect smile, those perfect big pleading eyes.

Because they don't plead for you, and that's why it's funny. It's funny because you know a lie is a lie. It's funny because you know that you're a liar, even when what you're saying, it comes from a place of eternal truth. It's funny because even though you mean it, you hate them and you wish you didn't have to say it.

But you do have to say it. Because you're not Clark and she's not Claudette. Clark Gable is a dick. He's the sonofabitch you long so desperately to be. But you can't be him, and you just have to say it. You just need them to know.

And that's why you laugh the second time. Because the lies aren't really about who they…who she wants to be. They're about you, and that's why it's so god-damned funny, you know?

The Importance of Comic Relief

2010-12-24T04:53:00.000-08:00

Oh I was such a fool
to think that way, to act that way
listenin' to Roy and doin' you-know-what
What a joke
Ha Ha Ha

Set lies to melodies
obvious and thinly veiled confessions of obsession
Pathetic!
Ha Ha Ha

Put her on a pedestal
and watch her eyes measure
just how far down
she'd have to stoop
What a sick fucking joke!

Set myself up
for the big punch line
the big one-two
'cause I like a laugh and a good time
Ha Ha Ha

One

2010-11-28T12:28:00.001-08:00

more thing: can I be honest with you?

Like, completely, 100% honest.

I don't think I want to be friends anymore.

It's not you, it's... Well, ok. It is you. And me, a little bit. But mostly you.

I feel used. Is that normal? Is that a normal thing in friendships? Have I been doing it wrong this whole time!?

Want to know what I hate about San Francisco? All the fucking one-way streets.

Escuchame: I know exactly what you're doing. I know you know I'm not that dumb. I know you know I know, but you're doing it anyway because you don't know how else to behave. Now, I hope you realize that I am taking an extremely passive stance on this thing. You know, since we both know.

I am nauseatingly aware of the course of action you are taking, as well as the intended result. Thing is, consciously or subconsciously, you're hoping for the secondary result: the one where I realize what you're doing and fight back, and we meet on some slightly more comfortable middle ground. And I'm the manipulative one.

Sorry toots, but I'm not interested. It's insulting, and that's something I don't make a habit of tolerating from my friends.

Look, all that aside, try not to take it too personally. Maybe we both want something from each other that neither of us has to give. Maybe I have it, but I'm not willing to give it to you for the absurdly low price you're asking.

We all need to get ours.

I just want to go about my business.

These aren't the droids you're looking for, man. Move along.

Color Changer

2010-11-26T13:56:00.000-08:00

It's a kind of pipe made of glass

that changes color as the insides darken with use

and it's always difficult

for me

because they have designs, patterns

this one

orange, blue, and yellow stripes

all swirling around the length of it

separate, distinct

not all muddied together

by time

by use

they're pure

bright

and the rest of the thing, well...

you can see right through it

it doesn't

have

that

color

...yet

but I wonder what that color is

one

2010-11-22T22:44:00.000-08:00

step back when the walls get smudged

when the room gets messy

contentment found in one's own filth

practically drowning in it

but asphyxiation brings pleasure

no intention of wiping that away

just wait for the walls to dry

paint it over, nice and neat

there, there

It's time to actually use this blog.

2010-11-11T08:42:00.000-08:00

Yes, this blog - I shall write in it again. I started this thing a few years back, hoping it would serve as some sort of healthy and constructive outlet for my rage, cynicism, and overall dissatisfaction with the state of everything/anything around me.

It served well, for one blog post.

For you see my friend(s?), I realized that I have a lot to say...It's just not anything worth your time. So I've decided to do something about that. And it's something we all know and love, in fact; something that major corporations do all the time in an attempt to renew interest. That's right, you guessed it. It's...

Rebranding.

This little digital space will no longer serve as my soapbox. No, now it's more like the shitty little comp book I kept folded in my back pocket in the eleventh grade. Yes! Get ready for poetry, short stories, musings - and all of them angsty as all-get-out!

Whoever may be reading this, welcome to [Condensed Bitters].

Let's kick it off with a poem:

the hole in my left arm goes almost all the way through now

and the green aquarium sand I use to fill it

keeps getting in the bed sheets

and the laundry

Don't use that stuff, Doc says

the Doc, he tells me not to use that stuff

'cause

it gets into the blood and rots the brain

It'll make you fat and stupid

and

you won't be able to fuck your wife anymore, he tells me

She's got bigger problems

and besides

that new stuff is banned

and the putty itches and doesn't set right

and

I don't like the way it looks

and

I'm tired of sitting bare-assed on this table

and

is that a new hole just above the old one?

well, shit.

The First Post is the Deepest

2007-01-05T15:20:00.002-08:00

Why did I start this blog?

Why am I blogging? What is the purpose of this blog? Am I a blogger? What is the meaning of life?

What's up with the weird spacing?

These are questions I can answer, but choose not to. Read on as I blog about something entirely different:

Hello there friends. This is my blog. It is a place for me to unleash my completely unreasonable, unrealistic, and poorly thought out complaints and opinions upon the masses [all three of you, you fat shits].

I will now proceed to tell you a little bit about myself. I am a sad and lonely little eunich who lives in a sad and lonely little trailer in the sad and lonely little town of Wihitchitaw [note: this is not a misspelling of Wichita, it is something that I just now made up because I am extremely uncreative]. I have only one pinkie toe, and I cry on the weekends. Nobody takes me seriously and neither should you.

And now for some obligatory Myspace bashing:

I hate Myspace. Don't you hate it? Doesn't it suck? Yeah, it totally sucks! I'm pissed off about Myspace! Look at me!

Here is a webcomic that makes jest of myspace [click to enlarge]:

Also, Uggs suck and guys shouldn't wear white belts.

Fin.